I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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