i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
