You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
