Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
