Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
