I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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