this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
