new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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