i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
