I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i think im in europe. pls send help
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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