Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
