I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
