I just pynch a tree in the face
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
