Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
