And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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