doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
