I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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