Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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