ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
