there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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