a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
