I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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