so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dear god my vagina.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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