remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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