Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize