Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
