why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
