Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
