woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
