it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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