tell your sister to shave her snatch
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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