went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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