he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
