We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
