i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
