Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
