My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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