Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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