sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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