I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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