He disabled his match.com account in front of me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
