bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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