If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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