Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
