Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I enjoy the company of your penis
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
