I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
