Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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