I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
vagina is talking i cant
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
there is glitter all over my balls
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
