Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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