Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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