I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
