Your dad touched me again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
