Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
