I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
