take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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