you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
