What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
