I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
