im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
