the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I deserve this hangover.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
