Can Purell be used as lube?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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