i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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