how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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