Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
