Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
