chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
