The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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