TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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