So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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