How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
