Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
