i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Rumble strips road head = magical
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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