I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
