Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
