Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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